'What we really have is a daily reprieve. . . .'

Many of the patients I work with have relapsed, and they often feel badly about it. The question comes up, "What did I do wrong?" I don't ask this question at all. In fact, I don't even ask why we relapse as alcoholics and addicts. I think I know.

We relapse because we ARE alcoholics and addicts. Relapse is entirely natural. One of the best comments by a patient came a few years ago. A new student counselor was admitting a tired, middle-aged woman to the Dia Linn Unit. As the student was doing the intake interview, she turned to the patient and asked, with a sense of wonder, "Why do you drink so much?" The patient opened her eyes all the way and replied: "Because I'm an alcoholic, honey. That's what we do."

The most natural thing in the world for me to do is drink and take addictive drugs. I don't need any help to drink. I don't need a big book of cocktails, I don't need a drinking sponsor, a home group of drinkers, a medallion with a bottle on it, or steps to keep me on the path of drinking. I drink just fine all by myself. It's staying sober that is odd.

Staying sober requires a spiritual program of action. AA's Big Book says on page 85:

"We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all our activities."

It is normal for our spiritual condition to drift away from serenity, courage, and wisdom, back towards restlessness, irritability and discontent. This is a part of the relapse process.

AA's Big Book states that resentments are the number one offender against recovery, that resentments kill more alcoholics than anything else. However, the Big Book was written before anyone had long-term sobriety. Because I have long-term sobriety, and have been taking the Twelve Steps for many years, I don't have a lot of resentments. When I get new resentments, they just don't last more than a day or two. So, for alcoholics with long-term sobriety, it is possible that resentments are no longer the number one offender. Complacency is.

Those of us whose lives have gotten better are at risk of complacency. It has been a long time since I've been close to taking a drink. It has been a long time since I've thought of how to scam doctors for some addictive drugs. It has been a long time since I have experienced any consequences from my addiction. So, I am free to imagine that my alcoholism and addiction is over. I am free to imagine that I no longer need a Twelve Step program to remain sober.

Our recovery is not an achievement. It is a gift. We receive the gift because we are ready to receive it and willing to pass it on to others.

My hope is that I, and everyone who reads this column, will carry the vision of God's will into all our activities. What are we meant to do today to serve God and serve others? The answers will come if we seek them. As we live out those answers, we will have unshakable daily reprieves from alcoholism, and we will be happy in our new lives.

John A. MacDougall, D Min, is the director of Spiritual Guidance at Hazelden Adult Services in Center City, Minn.

Published in The Voice, Summer 2007