The way former Hazelden acquisitions editor Terry Spohn tells it, the early days of working on Codependent No More sound a little like the children's story of the "Elves and the Shoemaker." Instead of shoes, however, a chapter at a time would appear in the door of his Stillwater, Minnesota home.

He had read a brief bio of Melody Beattie in the Stillwater Gazette, the newspaper for whom Beattie freelanced 20 years ago. "It said she was a chemical dependency counselor and writer, and it turned out she lived just two blocks away from me at that time," said Spohn. "I contacted her and found out she was interested in writing books for families of alcoholics, particularly spouses, so I asked her to send me a proposal."

The making of a best seller
After receiving the proposal, he and Beattie worked on an outline, but not everyone at Hazelden was sold on the idea at first. "I told her we needed a sample chapter," Spohn said. "By the time I finished reading it, I realized that one of the reasons I was so interested in this topic was because it described my life at that time. I was trying to control the behavior of someone else. I told Melody we needed a second chapter before we could decide whether to publish it. She wrote in a tiny space in her laundry room. She'd write a chapter, stop by my house, and leave an envelope in my storm door."

Spohn said that ritual was repeated over the course of eight or nine months. "At the end, I knew we had something that was going to help a lot of people." In fact, Spohn said that he was one of the people Codependent No More helped directly. "It was one of the things that drove me to make necessary changes in my life," he said.

When Spohn submitted Codependent No More to Hazelden, it was of immediate interest to Karen Casey Elliott, a popular Hazelden author in her own right who headed Hazelden's Publishing Division in those first days of Beattie's book. "I knew Melody already because we were in the same women's group," said Elliott. "At that time, 'codependency' was a concept not everyone believed in because they thought it somehow 'blamed the victims' [the loved ones of the chemically dependent person]. But it seemed to me that what we called it was irrelevant." Elliott said she knew from personal experience how the behaviors of addicts could complicate and seriously affect other lives.

"I was one of the book's early cheerleaders," said Elliott. "It's been good for Melody and for Hazelden, but most importantly, it's been good for all the people it has helped. It speaks to readers in a way that really strikes a chord. In that way, this book has been a blessing to millions of people."

Rebecca Post, editorial director of Publishing and Educational Services at Hazelden, said she was a brand new employee at Hazelden when Codependent No More came across her desk. "I was a 27-year-old copy editor, and it was the very first book project I worked on at Hazelden," said Post. "Somewhere along the line, I moved from copy editor to editor, and now, some 20 years later, I've worked on seven of Melody's books."

Post said that although Beattie has become a more sophisticated writer over the years, there is still a "rawness" to Codependent No More that contributes to its tremendous staying power.  The book has sold four million copies to date, and it made the New York Times best-seller list in 1986 and stayed there for three years. It has sold steadily ever since and has been Hazelden's top-selling book the past two years, with more than 160,000 copies sold each of those years.

'It must be a God thing'
"I thought the book would sell maybe 900 copies, so when I felt afraid to 'speak out' about what I had to say, I consoled myself by saying, 'I might as well say what I think. Only 900 people are going to read it anyway,' " Beattie said. "It was very freeing. In retrospect, I believe that real writers don't write the books. Sure, our personalities and research go into it, but we're all part of something bigger than ourselves. I was in the right place at the right time. All I can say is, it must be a God thing."

"We had had many quiet best sellers for years, such as Twenty-Four Hours a Day and Each Day a New Beginning," said Linda H. Peterson, Hazelden's Webmaster, who served as editor-in-chief when the book came to Hazelden. "It had not been our goal to create best sellers; our mission was to publish words that filled a need. But it was Codependent No More that caught the attention of the mainstream bookstore customers and raised the visibility of all Hazelden's publications. We were delighted knowing that we were helping so many more people because of the attention."

"Melody's style in Codependent No More parallels the wandering chaos of readers," said Post. "Like a mother who mirrors the developmental stages of her children, Melody mirrors where the readers are. No one likes to be labeled, but naming something is the first step to healing. I think there was great relief when codependents discovered there was a name for what they were feeling and that others were experiencing what they were."

On the surface, the word "codependent" may seem innocuous, even positive. After all, being sensitive to another's feelings, helping and nurturing others, or caring about what others think are qualities we admire and try to embrace our selves. But taken to extreme, these behaviors become harmful. Beattie says that codependents are people who become so obsessed with other people's feelings and behaviors that they lose sight of what they themselves are feeling or how they themselves are acting. Codependents live other people's lives to the detriment of their own lives. Giving up this illusion of control is an integral step in achieving a healthy balance in relationships.

When Beattie wrote Codependent No More, she was the mother of two children, a recovering chemically dependent person, and recently separated from an active alcoholic. "Writing the book helped her look at her own life more clearly," said Post. "She realized she just couldn't fake it anymore. She was already in the fold of Al-Anon, so she could show readers how to live the Al-Anon program and how it really does work."

"I recall that Melody was in the throes of making a new life for herself and her children when she wrote Codependent No More," said Peterson, "I believe it was that depth of pain, its revelations, and her determination that led her to write the words that would strike a chord with so many readers."

Start caring for yourself
"There were many books out there about how to help an addict or alcoholic," said Beattie. "But nobody was talking about how an addict impacts the lives of the people around him or her, and how crazy you can become when you love someone who is addicted. Even though I was sober, I didn't know how crazy I could get until it happened to me."

She followed her convictions, marched to the Welfare Department to ask for financial help, then retreated to her laundry room to crank out her now-famous book.

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself is a primer read by people of all ages and experiences. It is simply written and includes instructive life stories, Beattie's personal reflections, exercises, self-tests, and a wealth of information on how to identify and recover from codependency. Beattie has millions of loyal fans because they know that she gets it. Since the publication of her blockbuster, she has demonstrated over and over again that she knows recovery is a journey, not a destination, and that she and the other travelers on the path of recovery are far from perfect. It is her lack of pretense and her wealth of intuitive wisdom that endears her to long-time fans and new-found friends alike.

"I hope nobody thinks that I mean don't be giving, loving, or nurturing, because that's being codependent," she says. "I hope nobody interprets the book as meaning 'follow the rules of recovery--do this, and don't do that.' And I hope people don't interpret the book to mean that I'm calling people sick or that the years spent behaving 'codependently' is wasted time.

"Being loving, giving, and nurturing are the keys to healthy living. The secret is knowing when, how much, and to whom we want to give. True recovery is trusting ourselves, following our heart, not a book of rules. And no part of our lives is wasted time. It's a magical journey, and each step of the way, life is teaching us what to learn.
Codependents aren't sick. We just needed--and sometimes still need--a little help remembering to love, trust, and nurture ourselves."

Codependent No More was the first in a long line of Beattie best sellers for Hazelden, and Beattie's readers remain loyal and long lasting. "Melody still has four books in our top-10, year-to-date trade best sellers," said Post.

Other Beattie titles published by Hazelden include: Playing It by Heart; Stop Being Mean to Yourself; The Language of Letting Go (journal, audio, and Spanish version also available); Beyond Codependency (audio and Spanish version also available); 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact; The Grief Club; More Language of Letting Go; Journey to the Heart; Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps, Gratitude; Denial (pamphlet); and Caring for Ourselves (video).  Codependent No More is also available in a seven CD audio set and in Spanish.

Gratitude is newest Beattie book
People in recovery are frequently urged to assume "an attitude of gratitude." That's a digestible notion when we think about the good things--our blessings, gifts, or even good luck. But in her new little gem of a book, Gratitude, popular author Melody Beattie urges readers to also be thankful for the unanswered prayers, the problems and challenges, even our enemies or rivals. These things, she writes, "help us define who we are and challenge us to become our best. Instead of complaining about that problem or circumstance, thank it for being there." There are valuable life lessons hidden in seemingly difficult situations, she says.

Among her other pearls of wisdom, she advises readers to make a list of everything they are not grateful for, and then deliberately practice gratitude for everything on the list. "The power of gratitude won't let you down. Being grateful for whatever we have always turns what we have into more." Gratitude allows us to turn even the most ordinary of days into something extraordinary.

Gratitude features inspiring passages from More Language of Letting Go, Beattie's best-selling book of daily affirmations. This beautifully illustrated book is the perfect antidote to today's harried lifestyle and ideal for gift giving.

Beattie's books and other items can be ordered by visiting www.hazelden.org/bookstore or calling 800-328-9000.

--by Cynthia Orange