When Michael came home from Vietnam, he couldn't talk about his experiences. For years, he kept his feelings and thoughts clenched in his heart like a fist. Then he started writing. At first, the words poured out in great waves of tears onto the pages of his journal. Over time, he began to notice how each sentence, and each page, brought greater release and distance from the pain he had borne in silence for so many years. Vietnam began to lose its power and stranglehold on him and his life.

"Writing bridges the inner and outer worlds and connects the paths of action and reflection," writes Christina Baldwin, author of Life's Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest (Bantam, $13.95). "Writing is sorting. Writing gives us a way to respect the mind, to choose among and harness thoughts, to interact with and change the contents of who we think we are. And that is what the spiritual journey is: a major change, over time, in who we think we are, followed by a corresponding change in what we believe ourselves capable of doing."

While keeping a journal and recording our feelings is not a substitute for therapy or treatment, a study that appeared in the April 1999 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association showed that writing about trauma measurably improved the health of some patients who have chronic asthma or rheumatoid arthritis. Researchers theorize that writing might be effective because it lets patients synthesize and make sense of their experience -- a theory that echoes Baldwin's contention that writing is "sorting" and a bridge to understanding.

In early Twelve Step recovery, people are encouraged to "tell their story" as a way to openly and honestly acknowledge their powerlessness over their addiction. As they work the steps, this story unfolds further when they take stock of themselves and their behavior. A journal can be a valuable tool in this reflective and introspective process because it accepts these truths and stories without judgment. Recording our truths and feelings in a journal better prepares us to interact honestly with others in our mutual-help groups, our families and all aspects of our lives.

There is no right or wrong way to keep a journal. Cynthia Orange, a writing teacher from St. Paul, Minn. who has written extensively on addiction and recovery, suggests that people simply sit down with pen and paper (or computer) and make a contract with themselves to write for five or 10 minutes at first.

"It works well to set an oven timer and write until the bell goes off," Orange said. "Don't worry about spelling, punctuation or whether or not your writing makes sense. Just write. Sometimes it helps to use a repetitive phrase like I used to ________but now I__________. Start out listing whatever comes to mind until your pen or keys fly. You don't have to stay with the original sentence or subject. Follow your thoughts and writing wherever they lead. I predict that you'll soon lose track of time and find yourself writing way beyond the bell."

Orange stressed that journals aren't just "negative dumping grounds," but places to record positive thoughts as well. She suggests recording a "blessing a day" -- a practice she learned from Baldwin. "Each night before you go to bed, list the gifts you were given that day -- the quality of light on a cloudy day, the friendly clerk at the grocery store, the laughter of a child -- anything that made your heart lighter, even for a moment. This is a great way to fall asleep in what recovering people call an attitude of gratitude."

Keeping a journal makes good sense for those who participate in Twelve Step recovery programs. Letting go and turning over what we cannot change, changing what we can, acknowledging our weaknesses, and celebrating our joys are all integral aspects of Twelve Step recovery. A journal is a safe place where we can record those changes, let go of our fears, and express confusion, anger, doubt, remorse and joy. A journal is a constant friend that accepts our negative and positive feelings unconditionally. It is also a place where we can chart our growth, inch by inch, step by step.

--Published July 5, 1999