"My wife and father were on me to stop drinking, but you know how critical and protective family can be," said Brian. "So I blew them off."

It wasn't until his friend Jack spoke up that Brian started to think differently. "That really hit home, because I wouldn't expect a friend to confront me with something that personal unless it was very important," said Brian. "Jack said he was really concerned about me. He pointed out that my personality changed after I had a few beers--that I became belligerent. For a normally easy-going guy, that was a dramatic change in behavior."

Jack could see that Brian's numerous drinking binges were causing problems. Brian was frequently calling into work sick and falling behind in his work, and his marriage was seriously on the ropes. Brian was teetering on the edge of disaster. "I didn't want to see a good life and a good friendship ruined," said Jack, "so I approached Brian, shared my honest observations with him, and suggested that he seek help."

After a couple days of soul searching, though still reluctant, Brian took Jack's suggestion and was assessed by an addiction professional. The expert recommended that Brian check into a treatment center, and one day later Brian did so.

Many people fear taking the path that Jack took. Speaking up to a friend who may have a problem with alcohol or other drugs can be a tricky undertaking.

Yet it's true that a concerned friend can do a lot. Most people don't recognize they have a substance abuse problem and most don't seek help for a problem until someone close to them intervenes.

What's encouraging is that most people believe they should help friends, according to the findings of two national surveys. A Gallup Poll commissioned by Hazelden showed that 94 percent of Americans feel it's their responsibility to speak up to a friend who is abusing alcohol and/or other drugs.

A Hazelden survey of 800 recovering alcoholics, addicts and substance abusers found that almost 70 percent of the respondents said they stopped using drugs only after a friend or relative spoke up about the problem. More than half doubted they would have gone into recovery without the intervention of friends. Of those who had not been intervened upon, 41 percent said they would have gotten help sooner if someone had voiced concern.

"It's a popular myth that most people prefer to just walk away from a substance abuser, or that a friend can't do anything to help," said Patricia Owen, director of the Butler Center for Research and Learning, part of the Hazelden Institute. "Another misconception is that substance abusers have to 'hit bottom' before deciding on their own to get help. Both of these surveys demonstrate that the opposite is true."

The catch, according to the Gallup Poll, is that only 38 percent of us feel we have the tools to help a loved one. Many of us don't feel confident approaching a friend, and even if we muster up the courage, we may not know what to say or how to say it. That confidence can come with education about how to best talk to a friend.

It's not easy being a friend to someone with an alcohol or other drug problem, especially when that person's substance use brings on offensive and self-defeating behavior. Yet this is the time when friends are needed most.

According to a Gallup Poll commissioned by Hazelden, 94 percent of Americans believe it's their responsibility to speak up to a friend who has a problem with alcohol or other drugs. But the poll also showed that only 38 percent of us feel "very confident and comfortable" approaching a friend who may have a problem. Most of us feel we don't have enough information to intervene.

To help give some practical guidance on how concerned friends can intervene, Hazelden counselors produced two guides: one on how to help a male friend, the other on how to help a female friend. The guides help people recognize signs of substance abuse, decide when to approach a friend, state their specific concerns, and prepare for the different responses they may get.

Recognizing signs of substance abuse is not as easy as some people believe; addicted is a confusing disease. For example, your friend doesn't have to drink or use drugs every day to have a problem. He or she may still have a good job and home life and stable relationships. What's important is how the chemical use affects the person.

Your friend may have a problem if he or she:

• Has been drinking or using drugs more than usual, even if usage has increased slowly over the years.
• Periodically "goes on the wagon" or switches from liquor to beer or from cocaine to another drug.
• Has a personality change when under the influence of drugs.
• Calls late at night but doesn't remember the conversation the next day.
• Has a couple of drinks before you get together or doesn't show up when expected.

If you suspect a problem, it's important to know when to approach your friend. Don't try to talk when your friend is drunk or high. One approach is to sit down with your friend the day after an incident, when he or she is clear-headed and the incident is fresh in mind. Meet on neutral turf, but not in a bar or where alcohol is served.

Keep in mind that no matter how "bad" his or her behavior has been, your friend is not bad. Your friend may be suffering from a disease that causes unusual behavior, including hurting the people closest to him or her. So when you talk, don't blame or criticize. Use nonjudgmental language and show care and respect for the individual.

Also, be specific when you talk. Focus on the facts. Bring up incidents such as "When you canceled our plans the other day," rather than "You never keep your word." And use "I" phrases such as "I noticed" or "I'm worried," since your friend can't argue with your feelings.

Don't call your friend an alcoholic or a drug addict. You can't diagnose the problem. Instead, state your concerns in a positive, caring way and encourage your friend to be assessed by a addicted professional.

Finally, don't be surprised if your friend isn't ready for help. Denying a problem is one of the unfortunate symptoms of addicted. The only thing you can do is back off, and let your friend know you'll be there when you're needed. You may have planted a seed for recovery.

If your friend is ready for help, offer to take him or her to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or to set up an AA contact. Or suggest that he or she get a formal assessment. Have a good understanding of addicted and be ready to refer to appropriate assessment and treatment sources.

Professional interventionists and counselors can help direct a formal intervention or coach friends on how to intervene. For more information call Hazelden at 1-800-257-7810.