A raging motorist accosts another driver for not moving fast enough. A harried, tired parent, preoccupied with details of the difficult day ahead, drives to work on autopilot, forgetting to drop off his sleeping infant in the back seat at daycare. The parent goes into the office as usual; the child suffocates from the heat and dies. An overwrought employee opens fire on fellow employees after being laid off from work.

These headlines are becoming too familiar. We read them and react with disgust and a bit of self-righteous indignation. "How could they do that?" we ask ourselves. Then, when the thick emotional smoke of first reaction clears a bit, we step back and contemplate the speed-crazed world in which we live. We wonder anxiously if we could get that angry, busy, overwhelmed or forgetful.

Many people today feel their lives are spinning out of control -- that they are doing more but enjoying it less. Stress has become an accepted condition of modern life for everyone, even our children. As Dr. David Elkind points out in his books The Hurried Child and All Grown Up and No Place to Go, pediatricians are noticing a greater number of stress-related ailments (headaches, stomachaches, etc.) in today's children than in previous generations. Elkind says that psychological stress usually involves a conflict between self and society. When we satisfy a social demand at the expense of a personal need, or vice versa, we create new demands and new stress. If we devote too much time to work, for example, our obligations at home grow along with our stress.

Men and women recovering from alcoholism and other addictive behaviors know what happens when life spins out of control and becomes unmanageable. They learn how complex problems can be handled one problem at a time, and how sobriety can be achieved one day at a time.

Modern society could benefit from this practical approach to living. Instead of releasing tension, many of us pull harder, wind tighter in an effort to reach our unattainable goals. We are like children who put their fingers into a Chinese finger puzzle. They pull and pull, trying to release their two index fingers from the webbed tube, but instead of loosening their hold, their fingers are grasped even tighter. Finally, they discover that all they have to do is relax their hold and the tube will slacken enough to let their fingers slide out. Like people in recovery, they learn the value of letting go.

Recovering people also learn the importance of living balanced lives. They have experienced the pitfalls of obsession and compulsion. Their lives were taken over by addiction and became frighteningly out of balance. As their addiction gained more power, other activities, interests, and loved ones became less important. In recovery, they discover the joy of cultivating a healthy body, mind, and spirit. Here again, the lessons of the Twelve Steps are universal.

It's a good idea to pause every now and again to take your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual pulse in order to track how well you are keeping your life in balance. Take a minute to reflect upon your previous week, and ask yourself:

• Am I honoring my body? Have I listened to its aches and tensions? Did I take time to rest? Did I get some exercise? Did I eat a balanced meal?
• Am I honoring my mind? Have I taken time to read a good book or attend an interesting class? Was I able to exchange ideas with a friend?
• Am I honoring my emotions? Was I able to express my feelings in my journal or to others? Have I spent quality time with someone this week? Did I take time to play and laugh?
• Am I honoring my spirit and soul? Have I spent time in prayer, meditation, or solitary thought? Have I read something inspirational or listened to beautiful music?

The American comic Eddie Cantor said, "Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the serenity you miss by going too fast. You also miss the sense of where you are going and why."

--Published Sept. 24, 2001