Katherine, the author of When Misery Is Company and several other groundbreaking books of popular psychology, calls such self-sabotaging clients "misery addicts." For people who are addicted to misery, happiness itself is threatening. Their logic, Katherine explains in her book, goes like this: "Something good happened to me. I was happy. Then this horrible thing followed or came from the same place or person that made me happy. I was nearly crushed by my grief. This means that happiness leads to crushing grief. Therefore, if I avoid happiness. I'll protect myself from grief."

While different people might substitute other words for happy or grief, Katherine says the internal logic is the same: "People try to protect themselves against feeling bad by not feeling too good."

Lifestyle is the problem
Misery addiction is often masked by addictions like alcoholism, workaholism, excessive caretaking, or overeating, which Katherine terms "tool addictions." She says misery addiction operates behind the scenes "like a puppeteer behind a curtain," so even the most talented therapists often miss it in their clients. This dependency is more complicated than other addictions. "With alcoholism, for example, you get abstinent first then change your lifestyle. With misery addicts, the lifestyle is the problem," she said.

She started to see positive results when she began to treat her clients' self-sabotaging behavior as an addiction to misery and gave them a process that incorporates the Twelve Steps and integrates other essential components of recovery, such as community, abstinence and mutual support.

When Misery Is Company is the first book about misery addiction. It is a guide for misery addicts and therapists and an eye-opening explanation for readers who have been puzzled by the destructive choices they see their loved ones make. It contains a thorough discussion of the problem and engaging exercises designed to move misery addicts from paralysis and self-sabotage to hope and recovery.

"This is a concrete book in terms of information and solutions," said Rebecca Post, executive editor at Hazelden. "The realistic case histories could be a page out of anyone's life. They show how seductive it is to cave into old patterns and how easy it is to stay alienated from a better life. It embraces the Twelve Steps but also goes beyond them to help people break this 'drama cycle' for themselves and for future generations."

Katherine used the experience she gained working with misery addicts to found Misery Addicts Anonymous (PO Box 1732, Coupeville, WA 98239; phone: 360-710-5362; www.miseryaddicts.org). If misery addicts can't find a group in their area, Katherine encourages them to attend other open Twelve Step mutual-support meetings such as Overeaters Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous.

Published in The Voice, Winter 2004